ofshiningscales: (A BOX OF SUNSHINE AND PUPPIES)
💄 💋 🎶 ([personal profile] ofshiningscales) wrote2011-06-04 04:46 pm

actually, this is pretty gross. true, but gross.

Today I almost died while driving my car by choking to death on a perfectly round cough drop. Clearly I did not die, so I shall share with you the story of how I lived.

When I was a small child, I loved penguins. Scamper the Penguin, to be precise, but oh how I loved penguins. Whenever my mother would make hard-boiled eggs for sandwiches and salads I would select the nicest egg, take it from its cold water bath once it was hand-touchably warm, and make for it a nest of pillows and blankets. Then I would take care of this egg, because I was a penguin, and I was doing a very good job as a penguin mommy because my egg was warm, and penguin eggs must be warm. Then it got cold and I ate it, because I am also a person. ANYWAY.

I am the best penguin mama.

As you may know, penguins regurgitate food for their young. This is not a skill I possess, because I am not really a penguin. At least, not on their level. Yes, children, I was so into penguins once that I taught myself how to regurgitate just a little. It only works for a minute or so after I eat, and while I am aware this is disgusting, I had had the forethought to chase a liter of water (chugged) with a citrusy cough drop.



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